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Subject:I hope your house gets invaded by raccoons.
Time:10:31 am
Dear boyfriend ex,

You seriously need to grow up.

You're wanting to get married, right? And you want to marry someone like me. And you think I'm really awesome. And your family thinks I'm really awesome. And you miss me when I'm not there. And you don't have any problems with anything about me.

...and you broke up with me because you "just aren't sure there's a future there".


Love, dear sir, is something you need to cultivate. You can't just sit there and wait until it drops in your lap.



Anyway, exactly how are you going to get married? And when? And who to? Why do you keep saying you want to end up married if you're not willing to think of ways to get there?



IDIOT.
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Subject:diamonds
Time:08:13 am
I really do not see the big deal with passing off a moissanite as a diamond. Moissanite is so similar to diamonds that, in my opinion, they are one and the same. A diamond is just an overpriced moissanite. They both do the exact same thing: sparkle and act as a sentimental symbol of my engagement. So why spend the extra money on a certain clear rock just because it has a name? Diamonds are only considered so prestigious and unsurpassed because of De Beers' ingenious marketing campaign. They are not actually better. They do not offer anything that moissanite doesn't have. In my opinion, I AM getting a diamond, but I am getting a much better price for mine. I'm just a smart shopper.

I would never buy a "designer" purse, even though I could afford one. In the end, the designer name means nothing. A designer purse is still just an overpriced purse and a purse without a designer name can be exactly the same, or better even. If someone has a designer purse they spent $2,000 on, and I go buy a very similar bag of the exact same quality from another store for $150, did I get a different thing? No. Am I "lying" to everyone because people assume it is a designer purse? If that is lying, tons of people are lying everyday about all sorts of things. Dyed hair, makeup, boob jobs, you name it. I have a friend who got a nose job, is he now supposed to tell anyone who ever compliments his face that his nose is fake, otherwise he's "lying"? I don't see why this is so different when it comes to sparkly rocks. Frankly, if I can have the same "designer" product for less cost, I got a fantastic deal! I don't feel obligated to ruin that by telling everyone that my purse isn't designer. Diamonds are the designer purses of the engagement ring world.

Even if it could be considered "lying" to let people assume whatever about my ring, so what? How exactly does passing off one rock for another rock hurt anyone? If someone assumes my moissanite is a diamond and I don't tell them otherwise, that does not effect them in any way. I have trouble feeling guilty for things that do not do any damage to anyone. The only person who should care about what is on my finger is me and my SO. HOW IS IT ANYONE ELSE's BUSINESS? In what way am I obligated to tell anyone what my engagement ring is made of? It's an engagement ring. It means that I am engaged. That is all anyone is privvy to.

If someone actually has the audacity to ask me if my stone is real, I will scoff at them and tell them it is (Hey, it's a genuine moissanite, not a "fake diamond". It's not even a lie). If they are that rude and materialistic about my engagement ring, they are not deserving of my time or sincerity anyway. The only reason they could possibly care whether or not my stone is a diamond is because they are jealous of the size and beauty of it and want a reason to feel better about their smaller and less sparkly rock (as if the fact theirs is a diamond somehow makes it better next to a more impressive stone). I have no sympathy for them the same way I have no sympathy for someone who bought a $2000 purse. They paid more for less. They should have bought a moissanite too! :)

Yes, I want the look and sparkle of a diamond. I can have a huge diamond that will still allow me to move to a bigger house five years sooner. It's called a moissanite. With moissnite, the size, setting and quality of my dreams is possible without breaking the bank. I am getting the exact same thing someone with a diamond has. No one, not even me, will know the difference. There isn't one. Why should I have to act as though I do not have a diamond when the two rocks do the exact same thing anyway? Sorry, but I am sick and tired of being told I should have do to anything differently just because I didn't fall for the diamond industry's bullshit.
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Time:12:45 am
Dear Mom: Fuck you
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Time:10:43 am

I do not think I can ever foget what I was told last week.  A bit of background first.  Back in september after a huge blow out I had to cut a good friend out of my life. Sometimes I feel that I made the wrong choice but at the time i did not have much of an option I either had to live up to his demands or he would walk out of my life.
I always that  This guy and I had a good friendship.  A year or so before this  hapened He moved in with his girlfriend and soon changed into not being much of a  friend at all. However before this like I said I felt that he was a good friend.
Well last week a good friend of mine told me that  he said that he
Never liked me and just used me to party with and buy him drinks
Look at thhe situation i feel thier are few optioms for what he saw me as

1) He never saw me as a friend at all.
If this is the case then I feel like one of this girls who can not see that he boyfiend is using her and is blind to the most obvious signs. I THOUGHT i saw signs that he was a good friend but maybe it was all in my head.

2) He said it out of anger after the fight.
I am hoping that this is what it is but its unlikely as The Guy and my friend hardly said two words after the fight.

3)He liked me (friend wise)  and was ashamed of me so told people he did not like me.
I dont think I need to explain why this would hurt if it is the case

4)My friend is Lieing or miss understood him.
It is POSSIBLE as she has gotten stuff wrong before but how can you miss hear "I never liked her"
I would not think my friend would lie about something like this but there was a sort of compition between us. She often rubbed in my face that him and her were a little close then I was with him

All these options and they all stink.
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Time:08:59 pm

I wish he didnt know that I liked him. I wish I didnt even like him. I wish I could stop thinking about him, every single day. I wish I forgot what he looked like. I wish I didnt know he existed. I wish we were friends. I wish I wasnt even in this situation. I wish he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I dont even know what I want anymore. I wish I hated him as much as I hate this situation.


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Subject:DOES HE EVEN GET IT??????
Time:08:08 pm

Of all the things that go wrong in my life some of them can be really naggy. I mean just last month I was thinking that maybe life was getting simpler and that maybe I was getting over the guy I've unintentionally liked for the past year and a half. It really isn't fair I mean there has never been anything special about this guy, he was always just there. I laid eyes on him 2 years ago and never noticed him. But when I started highschool I just looked at him one day and bam. Nothing had changed but he was suddenly just different to me. I noticed his eyes and his gait and all of the physical things about him of course, that I had never paid attention to before. I made a habit out of watching him, just paying attention to how he acts, and something just draws me in. He started to get noticed this year by other girls which complicates everything a lot. I mean I saw him first but this isn't kindergarten and hes not a crayon. I thought I was getting over it because I know I would be an upgrade from his last girlfriend. This was wishful thinking of course. I hate it when he looks at me, it tortures me to no end, he knows me I know him but he won't talk to me anymore or sit with me on the bus (when he rode now he has a truck) all because of my stupid foster sister who told him I wanted to go out with him, and when he asked me last valentines day I caved like a wuss and said she was a liar. I think I hurt his feelings which is wonderful so now he's all I think about for the past yearone regret after another. He looks at me with a look I cannot understand ever. I hate it cause no one understands it, how I can feel so strongly about this one guy. But quite frankly I don't get it either. So now that I've fumed ,if anyone read this far, I guess that I should feel better and hope someone will comment about a similar problem. Still, how could it be the same.?.. no one has ever drawn me in like this... in fact I'm kind of hard to impress...what is it about him???
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Subject:the worst dayyyssss!!!!
Time:07:44 pm

Thursday was absoloutly awful. Well not awful but difficult. I practically had to get naked at school.... I guess I should rewind and explain why. I got to school wearing my favorite soft blue shirt (keep in mind that my washing machine broke 2 days before) and I always eat and drink my breakfast while walking to the locker with my friends. Apparentally the way I was walking was causing my chocolate milk to slosh higher and higher with every step I took. Out of no where the milk just flew up and all over my shirt. Of course I din't wear it all day long so I took it off leaving nothing but my tank top which was against dress code so I had to wear my jacket all day which is really thick. So I continued to broil until third period where my laptop froze up in the library while I was working on my powerpoint for literature. So of course by then I'm at the point where I'm praying for nothing else to happen. Maybe it was my luck or maybe I was just already flustered but I was at loss in art class when I was working on my collage and literally got nothing done. The next class was my last and everthing seemed to be okay and when the bell rang I was praising the heavens that I had made it through this dreadful day of school. Ha. I went to get a pepsi at the bus stop. When they didn't have any the machine refused to give me my money unless I took something so I got a sierra mist grudgingly and don't think that the machine didn't get punched a few times (I really needed a pepsi) So I went to the bus stop with my friends aggravated with the machine. I sat down on the bench and sighed with releif that I could go home and change.... then I opened the sierra mist. I guess it's obvious what happened. It spewed all over my jeans and I just let it go all over the floor and I was oddly shocked even though I'd done this twice that day I was confused as to why my day was so crappy. One of the blotches on my pants looked like a 'certain' body part if you know what I mean, so to top it one of my perverted friends took a picture on their phone and he sent it to his friends. I guess everyone has those days but I felt like crying. I mean the washer was broken and my shirt is going to have a forever chocolate milk stain. uuuugh.... but I think my shirt made it, I'm not sure... it probably set in before the next laundry mat trip...


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Time:08:55 am
Get a life and let me live mine. Stop caring about litle things so much like the fact that I dont wear my hair the way you showed.  At the very least if you are going to care so much dont gossip behind my back so much. You are suposed to me my best friends and you are gosiping behind my back and laughing about me while being nice to my face. The only time you let is slip is when you are in a bad mood and let me know how frusterated you are about superficial things. 
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Subject:a word to those who eat at restaurants
Time:09:17 pm
I actually don't mind my job and for the most part, like it.  I like serving people, I like being in that role, and I certainly don't mind running around getting things for people.  It's what I'm there for, after all.

But for fuck's sake, I am also a person.  Do not crook your finger at me in this "COME HERE" motion.  That irritates the SHIT out of me.  I respond to a wave, a look, a "hey, listen!", but something about the rudeness of a crooked come-here finger gets on my very last nerve and tempts me very much to spit into that stupid little ramikin of extra dressing you want (but, and trust me on this, don't need).

Also, sitting there self-importantly on your cell phone and waving your number at the servers as if they have any control over when the kitchen gets to your food, and by the way I can guarantee you the kitchen isn't off taking a smoke break at the moment?  Right.  Not cool.  I hope you spill gravy on that badly fitted, cheap suit you're wearing.

Also, really.  Using the magic words and just generally being relatively if-not-pleasant-then-not-bitchy helps get your stuff to you faster.  For one, this isn't a tipping job.  I'm not dependent on your good will, also known as planting my lips on the fattest part of your fat ass.  I am not going to go out of my way to be very friendly if you're glaring at me and treating me like shit.  I will do my job and be pleasant about it, but I might not smile or interact much.  For two, who likes to do things quickly for people who snap at them?  Just generally being patient, and realizing, for example, 'Hey, there's a full house in here, there's a line of people waiting to sit down, even, so I might not get my food as fast as I might if they were less busy' might help speed things along for you because if you ask nicely, your server might actually go back and ask where your food is.
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Time:10:10 pm
christmas eve and I can not help missing him.   Back in september  i made the choice to cut him, one of my clossest friends out of my life forever.  Its a long messy story but at the time he basicly gave me no choice but to do so (unless i wanted to forgo my princapals and walk around on egg shells whenever we are together)
now I am missing him like crazy, he was the person that could always make me laugh on my worst day the person I looked forward to spending time with every friday night or so. 
I cant go back on my choice now.  I dont even know if he wants to be back in my life again.   Kinda unrelated but after our "breakup"  I found out that when we were friends i found out that he saw one of my my best friends as his number one girl and  did not see me nearly as important as he saw her.   Even if i could how could I be friends with someone who saw me that way.  Maybe im being childish but knowing the truth hurts. 
Knowing all this its still hard knowing I can just facebook or call him like old times.   Even if i was to let him back in my life  i wold have to hurt  by best friend.  Long complicated story again, why do things have to be this wat.  This year has been the worst for lossing friends,  I hope 2010 is better.
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